Structured Strategies During the Holiday Season – by Kathleen Dolbee

 

With the holiday season comes both excitement and stress. Changes in schedule, time off from work and school, travel, parties, visiting relatives, special foods, special clothes, shopping and decorations are just some of the reasons that this time of year can be especially difficult for kids with autism and their parents.

How did your family, your child with autism, handle the Thanksgiving holiday? If there were some rough moments or meltdowns—what did you learn from them? What did your child’s behavior communicate? Taking time to think about it now might help you see where adjustments can be made so that your child can cope and enjoy himself next time. What do structured teaching strategies look like at home during the winter holidays?

Remember—think visual.

Start with a calendar. Include on the calendar any travel dates, places you’ll be visiting and when you will arrive back home. If you are going to be staying in the home of relatives, or if they will be visiting you, communicate with them in advance. Be an autism ambassador.

Will your furniture need to be rearranged to allow for holiday decorations? Try drawing a floor plan and allow your child to help with the changes in whatever way he can.

Social stories can share family traditions with your child in advance. Draw pictures using thinking clouds and speech bubbles to help your child understand what others might be thinking about and for scripting responses to holiday greetings.

Don’t forget to use a flexible daily schedule to let your child know the general sequence of events each day. Sometimes parents resist using a schedule because of the possibility that a change will arise, however, most of our kids can handle change better than they can handle not knowing.

Which brings me to a sensitive issue. Not all children love surprises. In fact, for some of our kids, a wrapped gift that they must wait to open provokes tremendous anxiety. It isn’t fun anymore. One wise mother redefined success, allowing for her child’s anxiety issues. Not only did her child see what his gift would be, he helped wrap it! The calendar was marked for the big day and he could enjoy the anticipation without the anxiety of not knowing.

Remember that rich holiday sights, sounds and smells can be overwhelming for a kid with ASD. With a little forethought you can temper sensory bombardment (earplugs, headphones, chewing gum, favorite leisure activity, etc.). Create a quiet place and give your child permission to retreat whenever necessary. Explain to your guests the need to safeguard your child’s sanctuary.

Most importantly, be reasonable in your expectations. Do not compare yourself and your family with others or with the “ideal” family that is often portrayed at holiday time. Stay balanced, keep things in perspective, get support and make time for yourself.

Kathy Dolbee is a Parent Advocate for the Autism Society of North Carolina. She will be presenting on “Creative Ways to Teach Social Thinking and Social Skills for Home and School” at the organization’s 2012 Conference on March 31 in Charlotte, NC. For more information about the conference click here.

 

Are We Having Fun Yet?

By Kathleen Dolbee, ASNC Parent Advocate

Parents of kids with ASD often become experts on the subject of autism. Back when my son was first diagnosed, I was starving for information. I read every book I could get my hands on. I was less concerned with academic progress and most interested in addressing his social and communication deficits. He received speech therapy and his goals included appropriate responses to social greetings, engaging in reciprocal conversations, staying on topic, etc. I wrote social stories and drew comic strip conversations, even creating a “Book of Friends” to help him get to know his peers, and over the years he has made progress. However, it recently dawned on me that while my intentions were good, I had omitted a vital component of social/communication goals: shared interests and having fun.

Think about your own friends. Who are they? What do you talk about? Isn’t it true that the people who become our friends are those who have similar interests and are likely people we met while engaging in our favorite activities? Aren’t common interests and experience the mortar that binds people together in a relationship? How much of our conversations are centered on that common denominator or in recollecting a shared meaningful experience? I think that too often our kids are expected to interact with peers who have only one thing in common – the fact that they have social/communication deficits. Does that make sense? How is that fun?

The role of common interests and experiences has become clearer to me since Kyle graduated from high school and is more free to pursue his focused interests, which include trains, racing and the Blue Ridge Parkway. He works two mornings a week and uses the money he earns to purchase tickets for excursions in North Carolina, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia and Florida. His annual pass allows him to ride the Great Smoky Mountain Railway very frequently.

Several years ago, I was waiting for Kyle at the station. The train arrived and I watched a steady stream of passengers exit the train and head toward the parking lot. Where was Kyle? An uneasy feeling was quickly turning to panic. Then, in amazement, I watched from a distance as he strolled at a leisurely pace with his fellow passengers. I couldn’t hear the words, but I could see him nodding his head, listening and responding with apparent ease. He was smiling and they were too! He had found “his people” and it had happened quite naturally.

When Kyle was first diagnosed, learning everything I could about autism seemed to be the most important thing. Maybe that was true at the time. But now I think it is time that I learned more about trains and racing and the Blue Ridge Parkway. Kyle has autism, but that fact does not define him. The things he is interested in and passionate about are certainly just as important as the fact that he has autism, don’t you think? And since we want to share his life, his father and I are broadening our interests to include his.

Recently, when we were heading home from a quick trip to Florida to visit relatives, Kyle suggested an Amtrak excursion from West Palm Beach to Jacksonville. He wanted to buy a ticket and he invited his father to join him. Since we were headed in that direction anyway, I dropped them at the station and drove alone to Jacksonville, thinking about my son who is enjoying his life, making friends and talking to us more – probably because it has become more fun for all of us.

Kathleen Dolbee is a mother, teacher, and advocate who will be presenting at the Autism Society of North Carolina Annual Conference on March 31. She will present “Creative Ways to Teach Social Thinking and Social Skills for Home and School.”

CAP IDD Waiver Changes Delayed

For people currently receiving CAP IDD (MRDD) Waiver services the Autism Society of North Carolina previously provided an update here  about major changes that were expected to take place November 1, 2011.  It is our understanding that the Division of Medical Assistance and Division of MHDDSAS have requested an extension of the current waiver until January 1, 2012.

What this means for you:

• Changes did not take place November 1, unless a revised and approved plan is in place and you want to keep it as it was approved.
• If your plan was approved and you want it changed back to reflect the changes effective January 1, 2012, call your case manager to make those changes.
• Plans currently sent in for revision based on the anticipated changes, but not yet approved, should automatically date the changes for January 1, 2012.
• Plans that are up for regular renewal or a revision not mandated through the new waiver should proceed with renewal/revision as normal between now and December 31, 2011.
• Please stay in contact with your case manager.
• If you have trouble, see here on legal recommendations.